You're a Boy!

Dear Gremlin,

Yesterday, your dad wanted an early birthday present, so we went for a 3D ultrasound. There we found out that you're a boy! Everyone is very excited, and your dad and I are happy to be able to use a proper pronoun and refer to you as "he"; calling you "it" just didn't seem right.

In one of your ultrasounds, you look like a little mad scientist in training, with your hands up together and a grin on your face. Your father is so proud!

Of course, now that we know you're a boy, we need to come up with a name for you. Your dad and I have already agreed to give you the middle name "Abry" - your dad's middle name and his great-grandfather's last name, so your great-great-grandfather. He was a wonderful man, and he pretty much raised your Grandmother H. after her father died. He was very intelligent, and even though he only had a fourth grade education, he derived trigonometry formulas when he needed them for some engineering work. Your Grandmother H. has his journal somewhere; if she can find it, I'd like to look at it and digitize it sometime so that we can preserve it. You may be interested in it when you are older.

As for your first name, we're a bit stuck. I would like for your first name to be after someone in my dad's family (your Grandfather W.). Right now the frontrunner is "Elias" with "Eli" for short, after my paternal great-great-grandfather (and great-great-great-great grandfather - lots of  "greats"!). But that could always change. We'll have to figure it out by the time you're born!

For the moment, we're happy that you're in there kicking and growing. In a few weeks we'll get to see you again for the big anatomy ultrasound. After that, we'll get to hear your heartbeat at every appointment and feel you kicking, but we probably won't get to see you again until you're born! Less than 23 weeks until your estimated arrival!

17 weeks, 1 day

Our Work, Your Future

Dear Gremlin,

Your daddy and I got a car seat for you this weekend - and it even fits in both cars! However, it fits much better in the new Rondo that we got in preparation of your arrival, so I think you will be spending most of your travel-time in that car, which I prefer anyway.

There is a lot going on in our lives right now in addition to you. We've been so busy at work that we come home very tired and are having a hard time getting things ready for you. Sure, you have a crib and a car seat (and a stroller to pick up tonight!), but we still need to sort through closets and reorganize so the closet in your room has space for all of the cute little things you are sure to have. It's a long process, but we're trying to work through it a little at a time. I'm having to learn to be a bit more laid back about the mess. It's impossible to go through a large closet that is packed completely full in one day, particularly when that involves sorting and filing bills and paperwork going back several years! Hopefully it will all get done before you arrive, because I'm sure that we will be quite busy once you are here - but a good, fun kind of busy.

I realized today that I haven't told you much about your daddy and me, particularly what we do for a living. It may not seem too important, but luckily the jobs that we have reflect a little of ourselves, and we found jobs that demonstrate what we both think are important. At the moment, we both work at a university; your daddy works for the information technology department and I work in the library managing the university's digital teaching and research repository. Although we could make much more money outside of education (and your daddy has been offered a lot of money to leave), right now, working in education is important to us. We like making a difference for professors and students. Your daddy works closely with professors to help them teach their classes more effectively, and that helps the students learn better. When you get to know him you'll be very proud of him - he's received a number of local and national awards for some of his projects, and he has helped professors reach a lot of students. We may not be teachers, but by helping professors teach effectively, we're impacting a lot more students. The work I do is a lot more visible off campus than your daddy's, so I'm lucky to be able to impact even more people, making rare and unique materials available on-campus and off.

It shouldn't come as any surprise that your dad and I both believe that education is very important, and I admit that you may get tired of it after awhile. We want you to do your best and learn as much as you can; we'd like you to be more successful than we are. When I say successful, I don't mean make more money - I mean make an impact in people lives and help others succeed and do their best. I know that the world will be a little better because you are in it.

I admit, we're bringing you into a difficult time for the country and the world. The national debt continues to grow, unemployment is high, and most of the people who need help aren't getting it. All of the details are very complicated, but I worry that you're coming into a world where everything is an uphill battle. Your dad and I will help you get a good start and support you as much as you can, but sometimes, things get hard, and I don't want you to be discouraged when you meet opposition or disappointment. Your dad and I have had plenty of that, and while we'll try to spare you as much pain as possible, I also know that your dad and I are stronger because of what we've had to overcome. I don't want to do you a disservice by refusing to allow you to make your own mistakes and find your own path.

16 weeks, 5 days

Avocado

Dear Gremlin,

This week, you're the size of an avocado! Apparently you are also starting to make me look rather pregnant. I've gone from "eating too many donuts" to "baby inside!" I admit, it's a nice feeling.

I'm sorry that it has been so long since I last wrote - your daddy and I have been very busy with work and getting things ready.

A couple of weeks ago we got to see you again - twice! For the first ultrasound, you did not cooperate at all. The doctor needed to do a measurement of an area on the back of your neck, and not only did you lay back so it was hard to see, but you covered the back of your neck with your hand! The next day we had to go back to try again. This time, though, I had a little caffeine and chocolate before the ultrasound. You perked right up! The doctor got great measurements and said everything looked good - the test results we got this week confirmed that as well.

We also bought a crib for you. We weren't entirely expecting to, but it was on sale and we had a coupon, so, you have a crib! Don't worry - it's safe and made by a good company: your daddy and I are thrifty, but we wouldn't put you in harm's way just to save a few dollars. Your daddy set it up to make sure that all of the pieces were there and fit together properly. It looks nice, and now we have a good place to store some of the other stuff we already have for you.

It will only be a few weeks before we find out if you are a girl or a boy. The ultrasound appointment is scheduled for the day before Thanksgiving - perfect timing to tell the family when everyone is together. Honestly, your daddy and I will be happy with whatever you are; we just want you to be a healthy, happy baby and grow up to be a healthy, happy child and adult.

Tomorrow night we get to hear your heartbeat again. I trust that everything is fine, but I will certainly be happy to hear you again. I'm looking forward to when I can feel you kick. Enjoy it while you can - when you're born, you won't be allowed to do that anymore!

15 weeks, 2 days

The Big Reveal

Dear Gremlin,

We got to hear your heartbeat on Tuesday! After that, we felt safe enough to tell everyone about you - there was much happiness and more crying than I was comfortable with, both from friends and co-workers.

This weekend we went to see your Grandama H., who is just as excited as expected. We went shopping to look for all sorts of things for you, but we didn't end up buying anything, instead just testing out some options to see what we were are interested in for you. There are a lot of choices to be made, what with strollers, car seats, cribs, bouncers, and everything else. Your dadd and I still have some time to figure it all out before you arrive, so there is no reason to worry quite yet.

Tomorrow we will get to see you again on the ultrasound - the doctor will be performing a nuchal translucency test to check for chromosomal abnormalities. You aren't in a high risk category, but the test is non-invasive, and we get the reassurance that everything looks okay for you. There's also the chance that we'll find out if you are a boy or a girl! You already know, but it's a secret the rest of us are interested in finding out. If the doctor can't tell, we'll just have to wait a couple more months.

You may notice that the count of days and weeks has changed a little bit. My doctor calculates the pregnancy a little differently than some other calculators, so from here on I'll use her information. It means basically that you are two days older than we thought, but your due date is the same. We still expect you in early April!

Soon we'll pass into the second trimester, when I should supposedly feel better and have more energy for getting things done for your arrival. I'm looking forward to it.

12 weeks, 3 days

Dear Gremlin,

You are the size of a fig - just over 1.5 inches! My morning sickness is finally starting to subside, so thank you for that.

Your daddy and I went out today to look for a file cabinet and some maternity clothes for me and ended up unexpectedly at Babies-R-Us. Your daddy wandered off and was looking at cribs (also, unexpected). He found one that he really liked, and he sold me on the idea of a crib/changer combo.

We didn't buy it, of course (and it wasn't on sale for that price) - remember  that we don't "rush" into anything, and we also don't have the room for it yet. Instead, we decided to check out some reviews online and in books on the crib specifically and the company in general. Your daddy likes the idea of a changing table attached to your crib because it sits up higher for him and still at a reasonable height for me. Hopefully you'll like whatever we finally get, but I was glad that your daddy was enthusiastic about finding you a place to sleep.

I spoke to your Grandmother H. today. She has been telling a number of people about you - we asked her not to, but your daddy and I didn't really expect that she would be able to keep you a secret. It's okay, though. On Tuesday I have an evening doctor's appointment (so your daddy can go, too!), and if we get to hear your heartbeat, we'll probably just go ahead and tell people. I believe that you are doing just fine, but I also worry. I'm your mother - I'll be doing that forever, so you might as well accept it!

You are coming at a very good time for us. Your daddy and I both have good jobs and have been able to save some money away for a new car. We are very lucky and grateful for what we have, particularly with so many other people suffering and struggling just to survive. I'm glad that we'll be able to bring you into a secure loving home without having to worry about how we are going to pay for our next meal. With stable jobs we enjoy, a little house, and you on the way, we are certainly feeling lucky.

11 weeks

Dear Gremlin,

You don't know it now, but you should be really excited. Your Aunt C. and Uncle B. are going to have another baby - about two months after you are due! You'll have three cousins then.

When Aunt C. called to tell me, she was worried about how I would react. She didn't know about you and she was afraid that your Daddy and I still weren't able to have a baby. Boy, was she surprised! But when she told me that your Aunt R. (my sister) was worried about me as well, I knew we just had to tell the whole family. So, after a few phone calls and a lot of tears, the immediate family all knew about YOU! It's going to be hard for your Grandmother H. to keep you a secret for a few weeks.

Your daddy and I also got to see our friend's little girl who was born on Tuesday. She was a little thing, but I'm sure she'll grow - hopefully you two will be good friends! They know about you, but none of our other friends that were visiting know yet. We felt like we had the biggest secret, and it was hard to keep quiet! But I still want to see you on the ultrasound one more time before we tell everyone. My next ultrasound is the morning of September 26, so after that, everyone can know. It will be such a relief to not have to keep such a secret!

10 weeks, 1 day

Two Years, Lots of Waiting

Dear Gremlin,

I think it's important for you to know how your daddy and I struggled for you. I want you to know most of all that you were always wanted, but I also hope that as you grow up, it will remind you to be thoughtful and considerate of others who may be in a similar situation.

Your daddy and I always wanted children, but it wasn't until after we were married that we started seriously thinking about our specific situation. You see, both of our families have some medical problems that could possibly be passed on to you, and we wanted to talk to a specialist before deciding how we wanted to grow our family - through conception and birth or adoption. We started talking to a specialist in February 2009, and - with encouragement and a few warnings - we decided that we would first try to conceive a child.

We never imagined that getting pregnant with you would be a problem. Sure, we had heard about infertility, but that always seemed to be something other people struggled with, not us. Neither of our families have any history of infertility, and we had been assured that the past or current medical problems either of us had wouldn't impact our ability to have children. We decided just a few months after our first specialist visit that we wanted to go ahead and have children. It seemed like a perfect time. Somehow, though, things didn't work out quite like we expected.

At first, we just tried to let nature take its course, so to speak. After almost a year with no luck, we started having some concerns and began doing some at home testing. Even with charting, timing, and all other things we could easily do, more time went by with nothing. I talked to my doctor and she recommended fertility testing for both of us. Some of the results were not all together encouraging. They weren't devastating, but they were enough that we began to consider fertility treatments or adoption. Both options are - or can be - very expensive, so we began thinking of how we might be able to afford it.

Late the next month, though - July 2011 - we got the result we had been waiting for: proof of you! A few weeks later, we got to see you on the screen, and our journey of over two years became worth it.

Your daddy and I know that we are among the lucky few. For some people, the journey takes a decade or more, and for others, they never get to where we are. We have friends who are struggling with infertility right now, and so while we are thrilled and overjoyed that you will be coming next year, we are also mindful of those who are still struggling. When we tell them about you, we know that they will be happy for us, but their happiness may be tinged with sadness. I hope that soon they will also have a little gremlin to welcome.

On the other side, two of our friends are expecting their baby daughter today. You two will have a lot of fun growing up together - they are looking forward to meeting you!

9 weeks, 3 days

9 Weeks, 2 Days - 215 Days to Go!

Dear Gremlin,

You're 9 weeks, 2 days today! You should only be about the size of a grape, but you are definitely making sure I know of your presence. So far, I know you don't like white cheddar popcorn or broccoli and cheese soup. Sometimes you like applesauce - but not always. You do seem to enjoy oranges and donuts, and since those are tasty, I can let some of the others stuff slide.

Your daddy and I are already having to make some hard decisions about you. I've had to be on a lot of medicine the past few years, for things like heart problems and asthma. We talked to both genetic and high risk pregnancy counselors before deciding to have children; we wanted to make sure that if any of my medicines needed to be changed, we would have time to find new medicines that were safe for you as well. The problem was - and is - that there are either no controlled studies or the studies (or registries) contradict each other about the safety of the medicines during pregnancy. The comforting thought is that the medicines have been around for a long time and are widely used, so if there were any high risks, they should have shown up by now. Ultimately, we have to make the decisions that we think are best for you using the information that we have.

You'll soon find out that your daddy and I don't do much without a lot of research and careful thought; we aren't exactly spontaneous or ones to jump into anything without looking. We've already been researching the best cribs and car seats for you so that we can find the safest and best of everything that we can afford for you. Your daddy has been joking about ordering a plastic bubble for you to live in to keep you safe and building a roll cage for your car seat. At least, I hope he's joking - sometimes, it's hard to tell.

I'm hoping that in a week or two, things will settle down and I won't feel as sick any more. Just a few more weeks and it will be your second trimester! I'm sure you are looking forward to it as much as your daddy and I are.

9 weeks, 2 day

Worth a Thousand Words

Dear Gremlin,

Your daddy and I got to see you last week! Granted, you were just a tiny little smudge on an ultrasound monitor, and we weren't sure exactly sure where your head was... But your heart was beating and the doctor said everything looked perfect - and you are perfect.

We've been waiting for you for a long time. To be honest, we weren't sure we would ever get to see your tiny little beating heart on the screen, the tiny heart that we had dreamed of for so many years. Sometimes, though, things just work out and everything falls into place.

You aren't very old yet, just over 8 weeks "cooking" so far. Still, we're already starting to prepare for your arrival. We're getting a lot of projects done around the house - having the electrical outlets rewired, painting the office and repainting the kitchen (your daddy is doing that all by himself), and - what you will probably appreciate most - getting a shower put in the guest bathroom. YOUR bathroom, I suppose. You'll have an expansive jetted garden tub to play in when you are older - your cousin loved it when she came to visit!

We aren't painting your nursery, though. I did that years ago when your daddy was out of town on a business trip to Washington. The room is blue with green curtains, and it will stay that way whether you are a boy or a girl. It's a paint color, not a gender. We don't believe in forcing you to conform to one gender stereotype or another. I loved playing with trucks in the mud when I was little, and your daddy even had a Care Bear toy and a Cabbage Patch kid! In fact, you'll get to enjoy snuggling with and playing on his Care Bear baby blanket. I'd say we both turned out okay, and I'm sure you will, too.

Everyone who knows about you is very excited and looking forward to your arrival. We haven't told everyone yet; we want to wait a few more weeks. We're planning to tell your grandmother (your daddy's mom) in person the day after her birthday next month. You will be her first grandchild, and I know she will be absolutely giddy with excitement - she will probably even cry! We want telling her to be very special and in person, but you are a difficult secret to keep. I've avoided talking to her on the phone for fear of letting something slip!

8 weeks, 1 day